What is the deal with our timeline? I don't mean the typical questions regarding time travel and the consequences of changing the timeline. While it is fascinating to contemplate the paradoxes of traveling to the past or seeing the far future, what concerns me is much more basic. What is the damned thing made of that it is so freakin' fragile?
Seriously, how many movies and television programs are premised on the fact that "something" has gone wrong with the time continuum? Everything from cartoons like "Time Squad" to science fiction programs like "Time Trax" (just to name a couple), deal with the potential ramifications of breaking the current time line and the possible disastrous effects. Half the time, there is some universe shattering disaster that looms for our heroes if they don't save the the timeline. It makes me wonder, why is the timeline so breakable? What are people doing to weaken it so bad? What kind of human intervention could make the timeline so vulnerable to this wanton destruction?
My first speculation is that somebody might be smacking it with a blunt instrument. Who knows why? Maybe the timeline insulted some dudes sister or it owes its landlady back rent. Whatever the timeline did, there is now a seriously pissed off person trying to take it down. They are standing there, on the timeline, cleaving it with an axe like a lumberjack on crystal meth. When the anger subsides, maybe we will see some stability to the timeline. Until then, it's rogue Hitler assassinations aplenty!
But maybe the problem isn't anger. It could be something entirely different. Perhaps, it is a simple timeline party. People are partying on the timeline, like it's 1999! The funky beat is just too much for the timeline. The vibration and unabashed frivolity is causing the timeline to jump around, Jump Around, JUMP AROUND! Once everyone is partied out, and the epoch hangover begins, we will have stability and freedom from unscrupulous stock brokers buying up all the Coca Cola stock in 1919. However, for now, the original formula is up for grabs.
Of course, it could be much simpler. Maybe some kid is just jumping up and down on the timeline. Like some quantum bouncy castle, this kid is bounding around the timeline after eating 4 pieces of cake and drinking a gallon of orange soda. When nap time comes, the universe will get a break. Meanwhile, broccoli everywhere is a potentially endangered species.
We also could be looking at a problem of sheer numbers. It could be that there are simple just too many people hanging out on the timeline. Somehow, we fell into an overcrowding situation. It could be that too many undocumented time immigrants flooded onto the timeline and it's creating instability. They are packing them in, squatting and just generally just taking up time-space. Somebody may need to go shoo them off. They better do it soon, before the future android soldiers come and steal all our sand.
No matter what the cause, we need to do something about this craptastically wimpy timeline . As long as it remains weak, life as we know it is under constant threat of chronological corruption. Someone needs to check its vitals, and give it a workout. The slacking must stop. Maybe a heavy dose of vitamin T. Somebody call the Doctor!