I have learned a great number of things in my life, some trivial, some vastly complex and enlightening. I have had moments
of great contemplation where I questioned
the many things I've been taught and doubted the very core of my belief system. However, there are just some things that you learn that you know are true. We all know, for example, that cows go "moo"; "A" is for "apple"; and mice like cheese. I know these things are true because my preschool books and toys told me so, the kindergarten teacher further enforced these facts and, in the case of the mice, the cartoons proved it. Jerry Mouse was all about the cheese, as was Mickey Mouse, Mighty Mouse, Pinky and the Brain, and Chuck E. Cheese. Even Ren, while pretending to be a mouse, beat up on some cheese to
appear authentic. We all know -> Mice + Cheese = Mouse Joy. Why would the cartoons lie?
This was further demonstrated during by the recent rash of home invasions by a certain criminal element, who shall be know from here on as "Mr. Mousie Mouse". Mr. Mousie Mouse first invaded my house in mid-April, making a ruckus and observed running a muck though out the house. A trap was purchased and deployed, preloaded with mouse bait; guaranteed to put an end to this unwelcome rodent squatter.
For a while it appeared he was gone. Mr. Mousie Mouse was nowhere to be seen. No unfamiliar noises, squeaky or otherwise were heard in the house. It appeared that Mr. Mousie Mouse had taken the bait and went off someplace quiet to go meet his maker. That's how it appeared, but in mid-May, I was in for a rude awakening.
First there was the sound of rummaging and rustling. It came from the kitchen. On the shelf where the bread and snacks are kept, I found little gifts from Mr. Mousie Mouse. The bread was intact; the potato chips were fine; the rolls and pretzels were also okay. The Doritos, however, had been violated my mousie trespassers. The brand new, unopened bag had been gnawed through and thoroughly sampled. My thought, this was obviously motivated by cheese. Doritos are, after all, nacho cheese flavored. So I got some new traps and loaded them myself with yummy, mouse approved, Swiss cheese. All mice LOVE Swiss cheese. Every cartoon, picture book, farm animal ditty in the known universe says so. So I loaded my traps with great anticipation, that indeed the end of this unwelcome visitation was nigh.
For days there was nothing, no mouse sign, no sprung traps, nada. So after a couple of weeks, I dismissed it all, assuming that Mr. Mousie Mouse had moved on. I resumed using the snack shelf, however, carefully bagging all snacks with an outer ziplock bag for added security. There was no indication of any mouse activity what-so-ever. That was until the fresh bag of Doritos arrived in my house. Yes, through the ziplock bag and the Dorito wrapping itself; Mr. Mousie Mouse had himself an ecstatic time of gorging himself and crapping all over my shelf.
So now I have learned that yet another one of the tenants of the American educational system is wrong. Mice do not like cheese. Mice like nacho cheese flavored Doritos. Thanks a lot Snack Food Association of America.