Let Chaos reign supreme!
One upon a time, I lived in Philadelphia right around the explosive spread of the grand thing that is now the dollar store. Dollar stores may have been around before that point, but this was the first I had ever seen of it. But that is not what is relevant to this story.
I used to check out the dollar store named "Everything's a dollar" on my commute home from work. It was the greatest place that I knew of to shop at. I would be amazed at all the random crap I could get for under twenty dollars. Ok, maybe it was nineteen objects each time, tax and all; but in never ceased to amaze me.
Random these things were. There were bad ties, cheap kitchen wares, party decorations out of season and really odd toys. The oddest of the toys was the Fulchau.
What is a Fulchau? I would describe it in detail, but that has already been done so well for me. Check out http://boingboing.net/fulchau.html below:
For years, my friends and I believed that the Fulchau was the ultimate embodiment of chaos. We debated its significance. We made it our mascot. We even had a heretic who burnt one on the stake over his barbeque.
But alas, that was in the past. It's been nearly fifteen years since I've seen a real live Fulchau up close. I thought all hope was lost.
That was until yesterday. Yesterday all hope was restored. The forces of chaos again rule supreme. That is because I found the
GUN OF BASEBALL!
Yes, the mystical Gun of Baseball. It's beauty displayed to all who are lucky enough to view it.
It is a yellow gun shaped device that when you pull the trigger rotates a disk and... crap this defies description. Let me just show you:
The breathtaking video!
You can also click here to download the avi file: http://www.alienstoner.com/images/Videobb.avi.
This has several features in common with the Fulchau, aside from the sheer randomness of it all. The first is the whistle. Both the Fulchau and the Gun of Baseball have whistles on one end. Maybe this is to help you find your way if you are lost due to the changes to the time/space continuum caused by the chaos field generated by the Fulchau or GOB. The second feature is the light. It is very important while building a toy of chaos to include a light. This guides the spirits of destruction to your vicinity. It is magnified exponentially with every child in a fifty foot radius of the artifact. The third feature is the inclusion of some kind of human element. The Fulchau has a doll head, the Gun of Baseball has the baseball playing figure. I imagine this is to link the forces of chaos to the corporeal world of the living.
You may say that I am insane to even postulate what I put forth. But I counter your cynicism with a simply,why? Seriously, can you see any other potential purpose for these items? The GOB is not loud enough to be of any use in a baseball game. What does baseball have to do with yellow guns anyway? And why the whistle?
As I contended before and will continue to hold steadfast as the truth, this is a true object of chaos. Put these in the hands of enough children and watch the very laws of nature breakdown. The Fulchau plot was defeated. Perhaps it was bad marketing, maybe a misplaced trust of the dollar store phenomena. Either way, chaos has been given a new chance. Let's see if army of disorder can pull it off with the Gun of Baseball. Personally, I am rooting for them!
Respect the GUN OF BASEBALL!